Poems

I.
A secret shortly to be exposed to your discerning eye. I don’t know how to react to the infatuation that conquers all of your glances.  You are across the room from me, and still my skin tingles from our contemplated affairs.  Will you ever know me outside of beauty?
A welcomed reprieve from my ever flickering relationship with an arrogant man, absorbed in selfish actions which repeatedly murder my soul.  At times I can hear it dying, screaming for the freedom my body is too afraid to seek.
Trapped in my fear of loneliness, entangled in lies and unrelenting memories of actions that would ruin your ideals of me.  Ideals which seem so pure and profound, ideals which i never want to let go.
Yet I am stuck in this body, begging for a deposition of my self inflicting crimes.  I must get out!  I must be free!!



II.
It is a day like today that makes me wish staring into the cup of black coffee did more than simply altering me from my dream like state.  How I cling to its potent powers, hoping it will bring me that much closer to enlightenment through its enhancement of my senses.

III.
I want my innocence again.
To fell free and unburdened by encounters which now feel regrettable.
The things I have done which would shame my name.
Altering reactions from synapse to synapse
Exploring every epicurean pleasure.
Shameful of the woman I’ve become
And longing to be a child running and laughing
In now what seems to be uncomprehendable bliss.
The rush and excitement a kite used to bring are replace with
Dangerous games that are full of fear and taboo labels.
My emotions are array,
And a woman am I now
The process of Individuality.
My only regret?
I’ll never be ready.
 IV.
Would it please you if I lied and fulfilled my societal duty?
A house wife, meek and bored.
Would you be angry if I accomplished more,
If you finally realized that I truly saw the world?
My connection with life is un-stifled by your alpha complex.
I feel the glory of birth, the horror of pain, and the pleasure it is to create.
Do you hate me now that you know I experience what you can not;
That I am complete and feel more in a dream than you ;
simply just a phallus protruding through tight pants.
Well...
Fuck you

V.
As I watched you go, I couldn’t help but noticed the shadow that you dragged.
Heading down the corridor and mocking you unkind.
Watching as you go, in and out of reality.
A slight reprieve from your wickedness, still not declined.
As  I watched them flee, our days not shallow, full of light.
Childish feats and memories now which are divine.
Fleeing as you go, the desire to recede into submission.
God knows it would kill you to be mine.
As I love you still, your stoic heart killing every word.
What was the freedom of my mind.
Loving as you go, followed by a shadow
stealing memories that were kind.



Old old poems.  I don't particularly like them.